It’s 01:10 and I Really Should Be Getting My Beauty Sleep


The ferry is tomorrow. 5.15pm sailing, Portsmouth to Santander, Spain. I’m not entirely sure what I’m doing – having been embraced in a warm and slightly moist spirit of adventure.

My Spanish leaves something to be desired still. As long as I need to order between one and ten Café con leche or more likely Cerveza  I can maintain a certain confidence, anything else may be accompanied by expressions typically reserved for use by the utmost mentally challenged. I know what you’re thinking  – shout and add an “O” to the end of what you’re saying – but I feel above that culturally and I’m protective of my pride. Instead I’ll rely on exuberant charades with gentle racist undertones instead. Classy. 

Anyway – the crossing to Santander, albeit unnecessary, time consuming (at 25hrs journey time!) and expensive  crosses the infamous Bay of Biscay – home to the most boat murdering weather in the Atlantic Ocean. But if the sun has got his hat on and I don’t have to watch people, myself  included, duel wielding toilets then I’m reasonably optimistic I can use my newly acquired Cards against Humanity (legitimate thanks to Sarah) to upset potential ferry friends. I’m Excited.

It only takes a few hours to get down to the port.  Stuff’s pretty much packed – having thrown out half of the gear in each pannier earlier (light and fast bitches!) – so I’ll plan on leaving at 12, with hopefully enough time to photocopy key documents, ignore the need for an international driving permit and get my mom to cut my hair beforehand.

Bikes ready I think. New chain and sprocket kit fitted last week amidst lots of love and expletives, bruised knuckles, hell on earth and repeated retries (I’ll call them remixes so they sound intentional and creative yeah?). Replaced the two clutch cover bolts that went walkies after I gave it a clean and forewent the luxury of 10 kilos of god-damn Loctite when replacing it. They were the last of the parts ordered from the dealership, so I don’t have to walk in there like a complete bell-end and order one spring or one ball bearing at a time. Here she is, my beautiful if characterful ‘Candy Indy‘.


Wrist is slightly less broken than  it was before the operation SIX MONTHS AGO. Between that and my porpoise lungs I got a bit shafted on my travel insurance so I might have to write my bike off in spite. Jokes aside, I’ll do it and they can’t stop me.

 I’m feeling uglier by the minute so I’d better nap. Have a good week ladies and gentlemen – I’ll keep you in some form of loop. Night Night! x

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